How Never to handle bad breath

We’ve all been there. You round the corner to your cubical ready to start the day’s work when you are suddenly accosted by the familiar stench of a co-worker’s bad breath.

“Here we go again…”, you think. “Another ‘H’-filled tirade that wont ever permeate my ears because I’m too busy trying to keep it from permeating my nose.”


“So anywahhhhy,” continues your co-worker, “Hhhhank Hhhhenshhhhaaw from Hhhhuman Reshhhhourcess explained ouhhhhhr 401k plahhhhn is an outstahhhhnding invehhhhhstment optiohhhhhn…”

Somehow, we’d like to believe our forced smile and wilting eyelashes might tell the offending party that there surely is something less than stellar about the way they are sounding. Unfortunately, that’s simply wishful thinking. The problem is that no one knows they have a problem. ブレスマイルウォッシュ seem to be immune to your own stench, and unlike Willy Nelson’s muse, it’s never on our minds.

So how can you tell someone that their breathe is making you have a problem differentiating their head from their derriere? Sure, whether it’s someone you know and so are comfortable with, you can try honesty. Still, even honesty has it’s own set of problems. Do you play it off like it’s a one-time occurrence you just noticed and hope that mentioning it takes care of the situation for good? Can you sit them down and have a serious discussion that could ultimately embarrass them or make you look like the bad person? How will they react to either scenario? You’d desire to be told in the event that you had bad breath, wouldn’t you? Would you feel comfortable being told by this person who you have bad breath? You don’t know them sufficiently to be discussing this situation with them?

These are all important questions whose answers will change with each unique situation. Still, there are a few things you can avoid saying which are universal across all situations. I’ve taken the liberty of listing those hateful pounds below. Remember, honesty is the greatest policy, but brutal honesty is frequently unnecessary.

# 1 Gee, is that your breath or did I blow my nose immediately after wiping my ass?

# 2 And today here’s me with the weather: Thanks, me! Well it looks like there is a stank front moving due east from wherever the mouth area happens to be. We’re looking at a 100% potential for Halitosis throughout the rest of your life. Sports is next accompanied by today�s lottery numbers. Stay Tuned!

# 3 I don’t mean to be rude but your horrible breath is melting my face. To possess to stand here and listen to you is agonizingly painful. Hey, you ever note that “Alien” movie where the alien is breathing in Sigourney Weaver’s face and she just cringes because the thing is so scary and because it’s saliva is an acid that may eat through metal? This is the lot like that because despite the fact that your saliva won’t eat through metal, I’m fairly certain your mouth-stench will which is scaring the crap outta me, my pal. Again, I don’t mean to be rude…

So you see, dear reader, one must choose carefully when approaching a topic this sensitive. Perhaps honesty isn’t always the best policy. Better yet, why not just leave an anonymous note…and a breath mint.

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